I was someone who never did things the "right" or "accepted" way. I can't help but wonder how I would be now if the way I was as a teenager was accepted and encouraged instead of feeling like a square peg in a round hole. It's not that my parents ever came right out and told me what their expectations were for me (ie: college, marriage, house, 2.5 kids, picket fence & dog) but it was always assumed. There was never a discussion or any real guidance in my houshold with me about my future. I lived in a pretty critical household actually.
Throughout my teenage years I did much to knock down and question those "beliefs" even if I didn't know at the time that was what I was doing. I just knew it didn't feel right to me. Let's face it, I did not follow the straight line of the prescribed path mentioned above although I do have a dog. I went to college but didn't finish, I moved in with my fiance before we were married and he already had two kids.
And that's OK with me.
I am where I need to be for now. It's certainly not where I imagined or fantasized or planned I would be at this age. It's just where I am. I admit, its not where I want to be. I used to be jealous of people who had lives I thought I wanted or were easier or somehow better when I measured them against my successes and failures. I am not as jealous of those people as I used to be.
Ultimately I have the power of choice. I have made many choices that have led me to where I am now. I understand now that with sometimes the slightest change I can alter that direction on the path. I am altering that direction.
If I had to choose one word to sum it up I would say - contentment. Fame, fortune, glamor and stuff in little amounts are certainly nice and everyone should experience them if they want to.
I see a picture of my future. A little more than five years from now the hubs and I will be debt free, living in a small home we designed, nestled in the trees on a lake. Our work is fulfilling and allows us to travel the globe for weeks at a time. The money we earn is enough to cover our expenses with a generous amount left over to live our lives the way we see fit.
This is where my ship is moored and I love the view.